Thursday, May 25, 2006

looking at those blogs frm these ppl, most of them or rather we, are all sick and tired of life. As in, there's no motivation in doing what we are doing right now, its mostly because we HAVE to do it, thats why we are doing it now.

quote :
john's blog: ' i lost my motivation to do things.'
cin's blog : 'i'm not interested in anything recently.'

and while i was online, i asked jwen what she thinks about her life right now, she gave me a word, aimless. and after that she said she dont feel that she's living her life to the fullest.
so, next i went to ask zeeq abt how he feels about his life. and all he could say was, he lives for the sake of living.

isn't it sad? we are all living just because we are alive. for me, i really cant find my way in life.
its such a failure.
is it normal to feel lost once in a way..? 'cause i often get this lost feelings and i can get over it in awhile and yet, it keeps coming back.
i read from a book, our brain actually can stop us from feeling upset for too long. meaning, when we are really upset over something for a period of time, our brain actually puts a stop to it so that it makes us feel better. but eventually, we'll still have to face the pain we are feeling. just that, i never knew our brains could do that. thats cool, to me lah.
anyway, life still goes on. and i hope to make more beautiful memories while i still can. =)

everything's the same for me. just that CA1 is here and i realised i've learnt nothing for the past 1 month.
went for an interview at cscc. i wasn't interested to get into that part of the club and yet i was called to go for an interview. and its embarrassing for me 'cause i wasn't aware what crap was coming out of my mouth. and all i was thinking was, will jwen make hell lotsa noise when i see her 'cause she waited too long? just when i thought that its over, i was asked to develop a light bulb into something else. oh my! drawing just ain't me. and obviously i cant draw.. and i ended up with a duck. i know its dumb, but no choice.. i have to rush off to look for her. .
anyway, i dont see any chances of me getting into OT. so, i'll just be a nice club member, active one, of course. and i don't mind it at all. 'cause afterall, i chose to give up the welfare(or community service) interview and i screwed up the interview i had earlier. hahaha.


tomorrow's a brand new day, i hope.

alright, whoever said that poly is a honeymoon school? you suck,okay?
till now, i still find going to sch, attending classes with my classmates a chore. i still dont find my motivation to go to school. unlike in semb., no matter how stressful and tiring it is, my friends, buddies, girlfriends will be my motivation in school. but however motivating it is, i'm still skipping school during my O's year. HAHA. oh well, never mind about that.. its over and i've to start a new life..
i'm feeling so emotional these few days. . it suck okay?
one moment, i want to cry. another moment, i dont feel like talking.
and yet another moment, i feel like talking,talking and talking and talking away..
anyone, help me pls?

FOM presentation sucked today, and one thing for sure, i don't even know what i am presenting. And of course, everything looked like a BIG joke. only ppl who have seen our presentation know how horrible it is..
i seriously think that my mom is sick in the mind and keeps bugging me to wear that awful shirt she bought. What the hell, am i supposed to like what she like? Its not like i asked her to buy. So whats the problem with her man? Shes so mean, she doesnt want to talk to me because of this. SO DUMB. forget about it. i dont want to talk to her either.
I skipped ITAB this afternoon and wanted to go to starbucks to do my accounts, but what the hell, i realised i dont have enough money. Okay, this is how broke i am. can't even afford my meals.. So pathetic that i can only buy bread and brownie. Anyway, was supposed to meet karinda, but i was so sleepy that i couldnt leave the bed.. Sorry sweets. Another time yea?
Yea, can feel that she's pretty upset and soo bored. Read her blog, she's so suay today. Oh, nvm about it lah, tml will be a better day.

Almost forgot about it, i'm supposed to include JOHN in my entry. . what am i supposed to say? I hate john? John is annoying? John loves me? i guess the last one sounds better..

Basically, i'm not sure what i'm blogging 'cause i'm so pissed of right now. By my mom, of course.
i think i'm also sick. sick in the mind..

the conflict was sorta solved today, but i think we shld do more than that.. meaning, we shld thrash things out and i mean every single thing. anything that we are unhappy with, afterall we have been friends for 4 years and the closest friends and yet we have to pretend. thats so not right because friends must be true. 4 years of friends and i cant just say forget abt it and i really forget about it. the point of asking you out is to solve the issue and yet all the things you say is , i dont understand, i really dont know, i know its my fault. its not going to solve the matter and we will always stay at that situation, where we never know whats in your mind. i'm sorry but i really have to say that you're so fake, even to us, lamers. theres no need for that, if theres any issue, we shld just solve it and thats the end of the problems.
but i can see that you are holding back some things.. somethings that can be brought up to talk about. and when you said that you really can't rmber, i feel that its nonsense, and pls note that, i'm trying to be as nice as possible in my tone thou at times i'm really very frustrated. can you have a mind of your own and dont try to drag anyone in and say because she's mad so you are mad.
if you're mad, then be mad and let us know. and not by saying that, because she's mad and therefore you are mad.. where did your mind go? i doubt that if theres smthing that makes you upset, you can forget abt it.. okay fine. maybe you're really gracious, but i am not. though you didnt do anything to make me hate you or detest you, but not thrashing things out and not being truthful really disgust me. We were the closest friends through out secondary school and yet, you cant be truthful and honest about your feelings. Mad? then voice it all out. dont say you dont know. dont say you cant rmber cause thats TOTAL crap. okay, say that i'm mean. say that i'm a bitch. i dont care anymore. what i want to is to get our friendship back.
because you girls are the most important bunch of ppl in my life, and of course some others lah.
and i know that poly pple can never be my bestest friend or these kinda things. i seriously enjoy the times we have when we meet up for dinner and when everyone tries to make time for it. especially even if we are so tired, we make the effort. and i'm thankful for it. 'cause you guys are my only support now..

school's bad for me.
i've got phobia of going to sch now.. but i have to go, and its a must. no choice.
anyway, my classmates are fine, except for one or so.. and i feel that i really cant rely on my classmates if theres anything.. having fun is okay.. but when trouble comes, i'm not sure. .
its okay.maybe it really takes time.
anyway, thanks dao boy, nigel and lisi for being nice..
you guys lemme realise that not all poly students suck.

thanks lots.

its a huge blow to her and her family. and i know no matter what i say can help or change anything,'cause it has became a fact. a fact that they have to learn to accept whether they are willing or not. i know i can never understand how she really feels 'cause its a complicated feeling and i tried it. i want to hug her and cry with her, but she keeps putting up a strong front cause i know she still needs to take care of her mom. her strong front makes me feel so terrible cause i just cant seem to help her at all.
i can imagine how she feels when she saw it, and its so scary just imagining it. shes only 17 and she has to go through all these and support her mom at the same time. its so tough on her. i just wish to tell her to be strong and that we will be by her side if she ever needs me. and i really mean it.

scenes of me attending his wake came rushing back and at this instant, i really miss him.

its like, going on to the fourth week of school and now i'm getting afraid. i seriously need a friend who is independent and need not be with me 24/7. 'cause i need time alone too. i'm a weak person, and i dont know how to take care of myself.. and i really dont want to take care of another person.. its really freaking me out. i'm super afraid. i know i might appear evil, but i will wanna run away when ppl start being too concerned. and its like, i dont really know her and thanks for her concern, but its totally different. my girlfriends and you.. different. we will always be classmates and just friends.

ahhhhh. I AM SO GOING TO KILL HIM.

i've got so many things to talk about, but i think i cant.
F.A.K.E i just cant stand it .

there's work for me today and it wasnt good at all.
first, sales figures were horrible.
second, i was scolded by my brand manager for talking to other promoters and its sickening lah, no customers and she still expect me to stand there like idiot. but okay lah, its my fault for not being at my counter (i'm just right beside lah!)
third, they came to create havoc for me..
but MI3 made my day. MI3 is AWESOME.love it. i love tom cruise..
he's so perfect,okay except for his height. but hey! his charm is enough to make us forget abt how short he is okay? Maggie Q is hot thou she has few scenes.. ha. i love the orange whatever that car is, i cant rmber thou bo rui told me.
we made hell lotsa noisy and everytime, we are a nuisance to the public lahh. this i admit. we got yelled at for being too noisy lah and the girls almost got beaten up by a couple.. i guess its 'cause i'm not there yet.

aww.. i dread going to work.. i cant make much too so whats the point?
but i have to do it lah, since i alrdy promised..
and i dread going to sch too.. but that is something i can nv change, so might as well live with it and make it as wonderful as i can..

i'm tired right now thou i slept for abt 13hrs ytd night.. is it ytd night? ha! i got confused with the days.. sorry about it. .

TOM CRUISE ROCK.watch MI3, its definitely worth it. 'cause HE IS DAMN HANDSOME.

p/s Borui LOVES ME. WHO DOESNT ? HAHA.

went to sembawang this afternoon after school with Hazeeq. can you actually believe it? i'm teaching him a-maths. HAHA! afterall i got a 3 lah. am really happy 'cause i saw many of my schoolmates and friends there and it struck me that i am old already. looking at those secondary school student makes me OLD. haha, there goes my days when i can stay at mac or mos for hours without a care if anyone needs the seats urgently and we would start our juicy gossips which pollutes the environment, haha, i'm not saying i dont do that now but its just different.
yea, so happy lah.
i miss those good old days. returning to school on monday. yeah!
anyway, i'm working lah,on saturday and sunday (i guess) . SIAN is the word for it man. i just cant decline it, its not as if i'm that popular.its just that everyone is resigning all of a sudden. yea, i know, you guys ESP john is gonna say i'm so gonna be cheap labour again. i know my pay's not as much as yours =P . but, yea, just do it. and they want me to work on weekdays. MADNESS! no way am i going to do that, unless you double my pay, which is highly impossible. duh!
sick is my pet phrase now, cause i'm sick! in the mind. have been really moody nowadays(like what john said in his blog) is it me or what? i guess its the weather thats causing it. ha. trust me to blame the weather for my moodswings. its a chore to go to class now, not the journey, but the lecturers really make me sick, i prefer tutorials now.. a more friendly environment for a friendly VANS. haha. .
i really hand it to me man, i can forget about the expiry date for my lenses. damn me. no wonder its so freakingly uncomfortable. i thought there's something wrong with my eyeball. siao. getting very blur, till the extent of forgetting all my time for class. .

today was pretty fun. okay, honestly, quite alright lah. i know its lame but we went to sunplaza to watch the wild. the movie's pretty alright, esp. with that gorgeous lion, dumb squirrel, irritating snake, pretty giraffe and that funny stupid koala. woo.. i really love that lion. GORGEOUS lah!yea, the girls are more or less the same. that stupidandirritatingOHjiawen, blushasiftheresblushLIkarinda (you know why), annoyingbloodybitchANGcindy, laughlikemadLIMlynn, and blurlikesotongTANhuiwen. still as loud. still as bitchy. still as embarrassing. anyway, i still love TAKE THE LEAD. WONDERFUL MOVIE.i so love tango and all ballroom dancing and ANTONIO BANDERAS. super in love with his sexy spanish accent. HA! anyway after that had dinner, like usual, FEASTING like nobody's business. . went to OH's hse. not sure for what, just slack there. we've been a nuisance to the public, so i apologise for blocking anyone's way. ha!


you gotta catch this. ANTONIO BANDERAS rock.

oh! i was chatting online with jo* and found out that shes going to mos @sunplaza, so i went to find her while shes studying. and fooled ard with her sunglass and camera. shes got the same phone as me! finally someone else is using samsung other than nokia/motorola/sonyericsson.
ha, anyway, the point is, this sweetheart actually gave me my birthday present. thou its belated but, i'm still so happy to receive. she says the other half is for my future boyfriend, and i was like. . -_- ha. anyway its really sweet of her to pass me the present.. THANKS lots sweets.

*she is a sweetheart.
i read the card, and i'm glad to know you too. =D
this is it.

cute!